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  • VIC

    Abc show review

    A lot of mention of the word normal by the presenter. Two commentators - an expert and a practicing polyamorous individual [Note - no male commentators]. Comments began with the suggestion that most relationships aren’t alternative today [as declared by the mainstream]. Secondly, the Patriarchy question. Is it all about what men want? Other than the utilisation of polyamorousness by bi-sexual women. There was some consensus here amongst commentators that this may be the case. Furthermore,  it seems that monogamy is identified as the norm. But is it a choice? Or are people coerced into teaming up with one person, the panel suggests, well probably.

    Types of relationships discussed - there is lust, desire, and natural instinct, but a relationship [of meaning] requires frontal lobe activity…. Relationships require work, brain-work to keep a relationship evolving and growing – so there was an  inference that lust and/or desire wasn’t going to be solely capable of sustaining a deeper relationship. So, the question of equality of feelings between various partners…….A retort came back that - when there isn’t the notion of ‘the one’ or a ‘snow white fairy-tale outcome’ such principles [the one] may not apply!

    Not so much stereotypes but communication seems key here – varying needs of fulfilment – both bodily and cerebral  So, not an orgy filled swingers club? No it’s utilising different ways of connecting with people via a different platform or model.

    So, “but  don’t women want the one dude”, like to protect them and support them? Well maybe in times past, but things have changed and women are more independent and can make their own decisions about such matters.

    The bisexual element for women….time to explore their areas of feminine sexuality…it seems yes.

    So, a unification of solidity of relationship teamed with the freedom of exploration. They seem counter-intuitive - but there it is.

    So how common is polyamorousness. It seems, just a little. And the challenges involved in a is polyamorous relationship? It appears to be a swings and roundabouts thing. We have the issue of jealousy that is related to polyamorousness vs. the sure hardiness and security associated with monogamy. But is that jealousy really just a manifestation of fear, reduced self-esteem or low self-confidence? This issue remained unresolved.

    So it seems that multiple lovers are more acceptable if you are younger – hence, the early experimentation and sexual discovery practised by evolving young adults is seen to be more acceptable in society – however such exploration at an older age is questioned.

    So how to arrange all the schedules of holidays, meetings, birthdays etc. when multiple partners are, or may not be, available….Well, both commentators admitted that this area was tricky, but not impossible. Further discussion led to the notion of primary partners have a greater status than secondary partners, however that, “a loving relationship is core” to polyamorousness. Such things such as including everybody equally in social outings were viewed as complex – quite complex indeed.

    Further comments questioned whether polyamorous individuals are really just looking for that soul mate after all – [aka] just like the rest of us. The retort was that no, and that this type of ideology was more of a social illusion as opposed to a reality.

    So, the notion of co-creation. The notion of opening our minds to different forms of relationship. To move beyond all that we have known and been taught before.

    So, children – issues identified were – stability, security etc.

    Research findings suggest that children in polyamorous relationships have demonstrated a strong sense of adaptability. The notion that while raising children, many hands make light work. In addition, it was revealed that in many traditional family relationships that break down - new partnerships were usually formed. As such, children these days are likely to be exposed to different individuals anyway.

    In reference to all relationships, issues mentioned such as the requirements of: respect, acknowledgement, and being taken into account were discussed.

    So is polyamorousness going to look more like an extended family model? If so, this might include multiple grandparents, uncles, aunties etc.

    And of  course - how could we have a radio show covering this topic without the Bonobos. This led to the primate behaviour issue, suggesting that bonding might well  be achieved through sexual interaction. Further thoughts probed whether the introduction of agriculture forced us into monogamy – i.e. through the necessity of responsibility to the land and off-spring, security of tenure etc.

    The notion that the purest heights of love can be only achieved with 2 people was explored.

    Vulnerability of the other. If everything in a polyamorous relationship is said and done [i.e. worked out and agreed to] is there still the ability to be vulnerable, and if not, what does this mean? The show closed with a final statement……….

    Polyamorous = Safe, consensual and sane.


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